Bible roulette
Dear God,
I have not read Your Bible, nor really prayed for a long time. I kinda felt through the course of time that You are a hard person, reaping where You did not sow. No one can reason with Your will, once your zeal has purposed it. So I felt, why bother.
However, I feel that I should give Your Word another try. I don’t have the time nor the patience to read it from cover to cover. So I’m going to play Russian Roulette. If Your word is living and active, and still able to separate soul and spirit, joint and marrow, then point me to where I should turn and what I should read. I will sit down and do the whole chunk, or the entire book.
I have come to conclude that my Friday evening and Sunday morning commitments are becoming a waste of time. I don’t think I’m getting anything out of it. It is either boring, or irrelevant, or it doesn’t give me the answers I’m looking for. I believe I already have enough training and experience to do better work on my own. And I don’t need distractions. That is the honest truth.
I shall pursue your Word like the eleventh hour to a final exam. I pray this pursuit will not be in vain. My endurance is endless, as long as I set my mind on it. You have said before that those who seek You, will find. Therefore if I fail to find anything, the fault will not lie on my own slackness. On my part, I am yet to start a pursuit and back down.
Therefore, I am giving the Bible one last shot. I shall remove all Bible reading slants that were indoctrinated in me since childhood. I will read it afresh, through unadulterated lenses. It doesn’t matter to me what other people think, say, have said before, or will try to say. But I am sure You have lots to say. Therefore speak to me. I am all ears.
Guide my ways and protect me from harm as long as I’m on pursuit.
You know that I ask this in truth, and I do not lie. Those who lie, speak the language of the devil. You know that I am not one of them.
Amen.
Hahaha…you’re not alone in your thoughts..somehow, i oso think that i don’t get anything out sunday morning worships here..honestly, i never found the answer to life’s troubles here oso…the pastors from covenant efc answered them(especially when Rev Tony spoke about ‘Makeover Your Pain’), they’re really good..when they speak on the pulpit, they’re like speaking right through our hearts..really miss them =) Maybe i can pass you the cd on that message, and no, it’s not about Job.. =D
rachel - April 4, 2011 at 2:00 am |
hi joshua,
look at passages like abraham negotiating for God to spare the city of sodom, or moses interceding for God not to destroy the israelites. God consistently portrays Himself as one who is responsive to our choices and decisions. so… don’t give up on reading His word and praying! it is *not* a pointless exercise.
did He lead you to read/study ecclesiastes? (i noted your next post is about ecclesiastes)…
i’m not surprised that you, being a man of your caliber and experience, find that cg meetings and sunday services are not benefitting you. i think that both of us have grown to the point where our leadership and teaching should be benefitting others, instead. our personal spiritual growth should no longer be primarily from those gatherings, but from our own personal times with God, praying, reading and studying His Word (reinforcing what i said earlier about not giving that up).
attending special seminars and/or bible classes may also help. but ‘normal’ gatherings will always cater to the needs of ‘normal’ believers – if you’re ‘advanced’, it is not surprising that it doesn’t cater to you.
i kind of sense a kind of pride or arrogance in this statement – “if I fail to find anything, the fault will not lie on my own slackness.” i’m sorry if i’m mistaken in saying so or if my saying so offends you. but really – we’re dealing with spiritual truths here, mysteries which are to a certain extent beyond the reach of human understanding and reason. it seems mistaken to me, to come with an attitude like “i’m really smart, so i have to get something out of it, or else it’s rubbish” or “i’m really hardworking, so as i do my best i have to get something out of it, or else it’s rubbish”. wouldn’t it better to be humble, to say something more like “God, i’m only human, and i don’t deserve to know You at all. please have mercy on me and reveal Yourself to me anyway. please speak to me through Your Word.”
anyway, you’re out-and-out honest with God – that’s admirable and i believe it’s something that God values. i’ll be praying alongside you as you pursue His Word. let me know if i can be of any assistance at any time. =)
siehjin - April 5, 2011 at 6:15 pm |
Which part of “it doesn’t matter to me what other people think, say, have said before, or will try to say” do you not understand?
johaste - April 6, 2011 at 9:56 am |
haha. understand, understand.
to tell the truth, i’ve been worried about you ever since the conversation we had here on another blog post, arguing over free will and predestination. i’ve had conversations like that with atheists before – i didn’t expect to have to defend the biblical position against a fellow brother-in-Christ, whom i consider my equal or my better in knowledge of the Word and doctrine.
this post seemed to confirm my worries, hence my heartfelt concern caused me to open my big mouth and put my foot in it.
well, at least if it doesn’t matter to you, that means you wouldn’t have been offended by anything i said. =)
siehjin - April 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm |
Sieh jin, i like your
comments on Bible roulette. You have given a very matured view. Keep up the fellowship with joshua. The answers in any stuggle can be found in the Word. What u have written echoe my heart. Keep it up . God bless u
hooi meng sooi - April 11, 2011 at 10:01 am |
so how are you know?
keep the post comming!!
A. - October 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm |